Happy freakin Holidaze

Yawnnnnnnnn awake again at 2:00 a.m.

Might as well write down some of the thoughts pervading my brain so they can leave and I can go back to sleep.

Thinking about this time of year and the mixed bag of emotions that surface relentlessly, I can’t help but believe that getting old ain’t for sissies! In younger days I was happy and joyous, even, excited! Just when, did excitement get re-placed with, UGH? For the most part days are filled with “I need to do this, I need to do that”. Its those damn expectations that can be so debilitating! Boxing gloves are not for the opponent they are for beating one’s self up! kaaaa-pow.

I often wonder, what, IS it that compels a person to do anything. Of course, its complicated. I’d like to cut myself some slack, be kind to the me that can’t do it all.

boot straps for withoutlight I am

But there is that ferocious TO DO list. And, my expectations. I remind myself, if you don’t have expectations you can’t be disappointed. You can’t be reactionary, you CAN live in the moment.

SO, I’m just, taking it one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other.

Damn heels

I went into the local pharmacy/souvenir shop yesterday which is across the street from the post office which I have attended three days in a row, but I digress, so at the drug store, I was the only person in there, I needed a box of Christmas cards and I found myself looking at doo dads that would be fun gifts and feeling so pleased that I had the place to myself and thinking, how nice, there is no mall in town. NO MALL. There I was, in this tiny little pharmacy/souvenir shop, the only shopper and the clerk was so pleasant and happy and not stressed and quite out of the glue, oozed and eased up a sense of, dare I say, appreciation? A realization that I felt grateful for this place I live in now (Ojai) and for the few bucks I had in my pocket and for the happy, friendly, not stressed out clerk and for the short distance I had to walk back to my vehicle and for the hordes of broke, angry shoppers I don’t have to face. Merry Christmas indeed.

2 Responses to “Happy freakin Holidaze”

  1. Wendy Milliman Says:

    Way to go Tricia! Sounds like you found the perfect “off the beaten path” place. The holidaze are filled with unreasonable expectations of ourselves. I hope you will treat yourself to many more visits to the little pharmacy/souvenir shop.

  2. tricia Says:

    oh hi Wendy!!Hope your holiday was wonderful, give the pugs a big smoochie for me!