Phantom coughs

Thought I heard my puggie coughing this morning, but of course it was phantom coughs. The house is stuffed full of empty and today I go about picking up the dog pillows from every room in the house. Sassy had to be with me always, so whatever room I was in, her pillow was there, or plastic garbage bag with blankets inside, she was very fond of cozying up to bags or, purses. Its a peculiar feeling to put away her blankets and pillows and crates, its so very final. Her demise was truly unexpected, at 13 years old we figured we had a couple more years with her, she was a feisty spirited little girl! A sassy one indeed! So, I was completely blindsided when I took her to the vet and they had to put her on oxygen. The vet said that if I took her home we run the risk of her suffocating to death overnight. She was functioning on a 1/4 in windpipe, her heart was enlarged and leaking fluid into the lungs. Since she was breathing so hard, gulping air the stomach was also enlarged. I just thought she has some king of kennel cough or allergies. With every pet I learn something new. The pain of her death won’t stop me from having another dog or two, the unconditional love of a dog is so beautiful and inspiring. Dogs are teachers and for sure, Sassy had me wrapped around her little paw!
Through this tragedy I had company, my girlies and sweet little “Lily” were with us Sat., Sun and Mon. Monday was when I took Sassy to the vet while Malika and Laura went to take care of some business in L.A. to return later that evening. Its Laura’s birthday week so I was preparing for a nice dinner celebration. It was a challenging, emotional tug of war that pulsed through me all day. Grieving for my dog and preparing for a joyous birthday party. I could not let a black cloud linger over the evening and ruin a beautiful memory making moment, nor did I want to. I tried to purge the tears, and I reminded myself, that, her death is also a celebration of her life and it would be okay to be happy and in the moment. I did my best, but as soon as her name is mentioned, well, you know. At any rate, what I am trying to say is that I was so grateful to busy myself with meal preparation and then for the tender love of my darling girl Laura Damian and the deep caring from my “bestie”, Malika Parker, their company helped so much. I feel confident that the evening was not tainted with misery, that we commiserated as needed and treasured our time together. We toasted and cheered and laughed and argued till we had our fill. That is’ precious LIFE! We love, we lose, we draw close to our hearts those kindred spirits who help us get through it, what a beautiful, sacred evening.

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