Its 4:00 a.m.

Its 4:00 a.m. and I am wide awake. It wasn’t a restless night but one dream that awoke me, and now I can not remember what it was. All is still, I can not even hear the owl who usually breaks my day. I resisted turning on the news, so as to have this brief bit of time to think about how I want this day to unfold, and how that which I actually have control of will play out.

I wrote yesterday about the many things I did not accomplish or attempt to begin over the weekend. {“a very unproductive weekend in oh so many ways. I did not get any art made, did not go visit my parents, did not go grocery shopping, did not do chores, did not get the mail out, did not do taxes, did not answer emails, did not exercise, did not walk the dogs, did not bathe the dogs, did not diet, did not beat myself up about it and today I feel refreshed and content”}

Sometimes motivation is an illusive bird that just wants to glide high, and be free. Free of obligations or responsibilities. I understand this. But I still wonder why. I wonder why I am compelled to do any thing at all, I wonder why I feel such a strong need to create, and how there are many more people who just as soon not make a mess. Most of the women I have known during my life time were that way. while they put energy into decorating a bit, or occasionally crafting a thing, they were more preoccupied with a clean house and getting the grocery shopping done, more concerned with clothes or jewelry. I don’t have that in me. Its not that I don’t want the house to be clean, its that it isn’t my first thought upon awakening. My first thought is always what piece or project needs my attention and what do I have to do during the course of any given day, so I can get to it. The creating part. And that “creating part” is again the part that I wonder about, why do I feel compelled to get to it. These thoughts wove in and out of my consciousness over the weekend of little results and that is partly why so little was done or dealt with. I know its all okay, that nothing really matters and that its only time, and we are all on a limited junket anyway. and how I have had these thoughts so many times. I usually just shake them off and proceed. I know I have to create just like I have to breathe. Still, motivation was an illusive bird over the weekend, so be it.

I don’t feel quite so paralyzed today. There are some things that need to be done and I am going to take my time doing them, I am not going to be rushed about any thing and I am not going to resist that which I “have” to do. These words are more for me than they are for you reading them. Its just a way of adding conviction, attention and intention to the course of actions I plan to take today, and the attitude I will carry with me. If I proclaim the decision now, before the day unfolds, it is much more likely to happen that way.

Its now after 5:00 and its taken over an hour to write this little bit. A good way to begin the new day I think, and another chance to get it right.

Hello day, hello friends,

hello jello 😀

2 Responses to “Its 4:00 a.m.”

  1. Eve Says:

    I don’t think it odd at all that we feel the desire to create. After all, the one who made us, love to create too. Just look at all the things he made from scratch. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel the need to make something. I was stringing china berry beads at an early age. Our housekeeper would boil them in lye for me and when you cleaned them up, they were perfect wooden beads with round holes already in them. She was an Indian woman and showed me how to do drawn thread work, and how to draw Superman. I was a lucky child.

  2. tricia Says:

    Eve

    It certainly does sound like a lucky childhood. Any child who is raised and encouraged in any of the arts is blessed~~

    thanks for visiting and commenting, comments are always a special gift.